Updated: Mar 17
This builds upon the topic “How Do You Find A Perfect Spouse”. You are already dating your potential future spouse. You have observed and put them through testing. You are now are the stage where you are asking yourself, do I marry him/her? Is this person the one that I can spend the rest of my life with and build and future? Below are some key topics that you will aid you arrive at decision if you should marry them.
Your goals and belief align.
For a successful relationship your goals must be align. How can two walk together if they do not agree? If your goals are not in sync, there would always be friction in your marriage. So, you want to make sure that your goals and beliefs align. You want to make sure you have one vision and one mission statement. You want to make sure that you are walking hand in hand when it comes to important things such as finance, children, conflict management, external family members etc.,
Even though your vision and values may be different, is the person and yourself willing to make compromises? You are not going to find someone where you both fit perfectly, but it is about the willingness of each party to change. For example, I never wanted children, because of the huge responsibilities that comes along with raising children, but my husband wanted children, so we met in the middle and compromise that I would get pregnant once and that he would hire a live in nanny to assist with the daily chores of raising a child. This shows understanding love and compassion. If you love someone you are not afraid of compromise and change. You won’t think that person is trying to dictate your life (that is the voice of fear and not love) when your are married your decision should not only be beneficial to you or your spouse but the decision should be beneficial to the team . This is what I do when I have to change and compromise: I would ask myself a critical question, which is I compromise will it lessen my value and hinder me from accomplishing my purpose. If it does not then I will adjust and make the necessary compromise. If it will have a negative impact on my I will have a respectful conversation with my husband and see how we can go back to the drawing board and arrive a decision that will be beneficial to both of us.
Is the change going to reduce my value or will it add to me. Me choosing to give up my individual decision of not wanting to get pregnant and create a life will not diminish my worth in anyway. That is just one example there were other things that needed to be align.
Red Flags/Stop Sign
This is very important. A lot of person chooses to ignore the red flags. I always say listen to what someone show you not what they tell you. For example, they will tell you that they are honest, but they lie about everything. They will shower you gifts and compliments but every time they get angry or you guys have a disagreement, they verbally abuse you and ask for their gifts back. You should not make excuses for this kind of behavior, this shows you that this person is very much immature and have no self-control and is no way ready for marriage. Some other types of red flags, you have never met their parents or the persons who are most important to them. For me if you do not introduce me to your parents then I am not of importance to you. When you first met them, they promised you the world. After you have started sharing your life with them they are reneging on their promises to you. They no longer want to get married because they are afraid of married. They no longer want to change geographical location. They are always finding an excuse rather than fulfilling promises. This shows you, that “talk” was all an advertisement to get you entrap. After your analyses and this person has too many red flags you should run very fast without looking back.
You must have strong sexual chemistry. Sex is very important in any marriage and if you are not attracted to your partner sexually there is no need to go further with the relationship. Lack of sexual chemistry will lead to infidelity and other problems in the future. That person can be an amazing person and they will make a great spouse, but they are not just great for you. You cannot force someone one to be sexually attracted to you. Sexually attraction is very vital for a healthy marriage.
Conflicts are normal for any relationship. This is so, because you have two different persons with opposite views and opinion coming together as one; and we are not machine that is program to think the same way. When there is conflict is it resolve with mature conversation or abuse? Healthy conflicts are where both parties express a dislike about something and both parties can come to a healthy compromise. When there is conflict does the person go missing for days, do they invite everyone into your conflict and make you seem like a villain, do they make you feel bad about yourself and kill yourself confidence? I am not saying all the time you are going to have healthy conflicts because we are humans and sometimes our emotions lead the way. But if that person is always negative and abusive during conflicts and is not showing any sign of change or compromise then you should really reconsidering marry this person.
Before you marry someone, you want to make sure that your future spouse has a good character. Is this person kind, are they loving? Do they take your feelings into consideration? Are they always negative and discouraging you from accomplishing you goals and dreams? There are some persons who are so broken inside that they are always finding ways of discouraging you and emit negative energy to you. They may not even be aware that they are doing such because they so broken and sick on the inside. You should really scrutinize the character of a person because it is the character and integrity of your spouse that will help your marriage overcome challenging periods.